Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
