Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
