Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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