My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
