we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's shark week go big or go home
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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