So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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