Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
