Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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