We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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