you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
