But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
