Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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