I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
