my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
