pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
