His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
