Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
