i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
