Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
