i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
