How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
