My hand turned me down
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
