After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
