The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
