Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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