It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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