The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
