can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
