I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
