Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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