I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
