Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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