He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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