remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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