Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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