she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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