You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
