McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
