she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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