Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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