I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
