K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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