I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
