i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i love accidental penises.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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