you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
