I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
