If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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