it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
