We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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