oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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