Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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