While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
