The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
