Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I will pee on everything he values.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
