Its about making memories worth repressing
He uses pillows to masturbate.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
