I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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