Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize