i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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