Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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