I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
