i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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