It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
