what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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