I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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