forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
