TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
