my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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