but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
