He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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