Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
