Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
