Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
