yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
