Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
