I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
