My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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