shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
