Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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