she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
