I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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