Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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