So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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