I think I won the penis lottery.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
