So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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