If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
