I cannot find my penis.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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