lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
