Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
