that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
