Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
