and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
