How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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