o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Life is so much better after having sex.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
