I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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