I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
