OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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