if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
