dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
