I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You made out with two different species that night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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