We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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