8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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