she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I could fuck to npr.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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