K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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