If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
