The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
