In America we eat man semen.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize