My hand turned me down
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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