ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
