Im at strip club and am horny
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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