it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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