did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
